I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize