So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I came so hard my ears popped.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
