Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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