There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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