Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
