i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
