she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Are we still banned from the library?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
