dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I looked at my own cervix.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
