If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
