addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So much rum. So many feels.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
