never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just found a bag of teeth...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
