So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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