ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
