like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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