It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We left an ass print on the piano.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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