even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
