They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
