just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize