Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
