oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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