2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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