boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
