I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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