In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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