OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
