I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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