I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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