i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
