dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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