well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize