if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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