when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
