I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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