"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
