I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
