i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
