god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize