What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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