also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
