Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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