Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Randomize
