My liver just broke up with me...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
