70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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