My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
