Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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