You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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