grandma shit on top of the toilet
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
