her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
