dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
