she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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