Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
