Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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