The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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