There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
