Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
