i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
