I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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