you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize