I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
