she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
