And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
