Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
should my penis look like a turkey
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
