at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
