your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
