Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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