none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
