My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
