things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i drank out of a bidet.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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