The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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