he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize