is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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