I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
