Someone shit on the floor
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
