they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
