I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
