i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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