I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
