oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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