There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize