Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
