Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
