my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
