no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
